Sometimes Good Things come in Small Packages
by Sibrael
Summary: When Sasuke returns to Konoha his first D-ranked mission back seems straightforward if exasperating. Soon however, Sasuke goes from mildly out of his comfort zone to fighting for his teammates lives in a situation he never imagined. Chibi fic with plot. Team 7 centric.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Naruto belong to Masashi Kishimoto**

_Ninja Romance or The Teebletubbies? Ninja Romance or The Teebletubbies? Mind-rotting soap opera or juvenile children's programs?_ I switched to The Teebletubies. When I had bitched about the lack of programs to watch on daytime T.V., Sakura mentioned children's programs were more bearable to watch when you pretended all the characters were on drugs. To my surprise she was right. When you deliberately misconstrue everything they say and invent bizarre back-stories for all the characters, the show suddenly becomes a lot more amusing. Sometimes I would even chuckle to myself watching it, which tended to deeply disturb my ANBU guard – and let's face it, that never gets old.

Today however, I was even more restless than usual. I didn't even make it to the end credits of The Teebletubbies, before I started mindless channel surfing again, eyes glazed over, seeing nothing. Naruto and Sakura were supposed to come back today. I had been counting down the days. I had received a large calendar in the mail advertising products from the local grocers but had thrown it out. It felt too much like scraping notches in a prison cell wall to mark down the days.

I was looking forward to their visit, not that I'd ever admit that out loud. Despite how annoying they could be, they broke up the monotony in my day, bringing smiles and playful bickering to my apartment. These visits hadn't always been as pleasant as they were now. At the beginning there had been a lot of tears and harsh words yelled in anger, fists swung and strained smiles. It hadn't been pretty. It seemed that no matter what I threw at them they still cared. Sooner or later they would come back with ramen, tomatoes and the latest gossip. Looking back at that time and their strained smiles still wasn't easy.

Things had been improving between us. Although we still had our hiccups, I didn't find them constantly bracing themselves every time they began to walk up my front steps. We still had a long way to go, but I'd been trying – not as much as I should have, not as much as they deserved, but trying all the same.

I glanced back at the clock and scowled. They still wouldn't be over for quite some time, so I got up and moved to the kitchen. I then began digging in the fridge, in search of something to fix them when they arrived.

* * *

Covering my face with one arm, I slowly reached out with the other while trying to maintain my hunched position. I turned my head away, closed my eyes and gently prodded the door with a pointed finger. I remained tensed and strained to hear a telltale click or any sign at all that something was about to blow up in my face. I slowly uncurled myself and looked around, not seeing any remaining tripwires, pressure sensors or other booby-traps. I grinned. _Looks like Erro-Sennin's lessons on seals came in handy after all_. Stepping into the room and seeing all the forbidden scrolls, my grin became even wider. _Sasuke-teme isn't going to know what hit him when I get my rematch!_ I spun around in a slow circle drooling at all my options. Snapping myself out of my fantasy of trouncing Teme, I headed to the nearest shelf, grabbed a scroll at random, and started reading.

* * *

Carrying a large stack of paperwork handed to me by Kotetsu Hagane regarding the upcoming Chuunin exams, I made my way up the Hokage tower to Sensei's office. Entering her office, I avoided the obstacle course of sake bottles, and lay the stack of papers on the least cluttered space on her desk. _Now I can finally take the rest of the day off to go study those new jutsu scrolls_.

"Achoo!"

Hearing the noise, I spun around and readied chakra in my fist. It was then I spied the open hidden passageway. Sishou would have mentioned to me if someone had been authorised to enter the forbidden archives. She hadn't. Someone had broken in.

The protection and concealment barriers protecting the archive prevented me from sensing the intuder's chakra signature. For all I knew I could be outnumbered.

Not letting this deter me, I crept forward, making sure I made as little noise as possible. All the traps were disabled. _You're gonna regret breaking in here!_ The familiar and comforting scent of books and scrolls wafted to my nose and I stepped forward opening the final door.

Floor to ceiling rows of neatly ordered scrolls, potions, weapons and objects of indeterminate function surrounded me. Everything was labeled and referenced back to files diligently ordered in large filing cabinets backed against the far wall. Despite the wealth of knowledge and rare items in the room, it did not appear the room had frequent visitors if the impressive layers of dust were any indication. It was this layer of dust that let me know I had a single adversary in the room. I followed the footprints towards the South-East corner and readied myself.

I jumped out quickly tucking myself into a roll and jabbed at their knees. They went down with a yelp and threw a scroll in my direction. The scroll gave me a glancing blow on the side but little damage. I started the hand seals for an effective paralysing jutsu to take them alive and avoid destroying any valuables. The ninja spun around, letting fly a bottle they had instinctively grabbed nearby, and it was only then we were able to grab our first good look at each other.

"Sakura-chan?"

The voice and face stunned me. I froze in recognition. "Naruto?" Just as I was about to interrogate him as to what the fuck he thought he was doing, the room began to spin and the ground rushed up to meet me.

* * *

Bang! Bang! Bang! Eyes narrowing I rolled over and glared at the door. With a sigh I lifted myself off the couch and headed to the door. I didn't recognize the chakra signature, strongly suggesting I wouldn't like the reason for this impromptu visit. _I probably have to run more errands_. The ANBU assigned to guard me usually took great delight in telling me of the latest pet that needed retrieving or garden I would weed for my probation. However, when I opened the door, the ANBU simply said that the Hokage had requested to see me. Now _that_ got my attention, not that I showed it. I could think of no reason she would need to see me in person. I had been relatively well behaved, not breaking any of the terms of my probation and completed all the D-rank missions without complaint. I came up with various scenarios for this meeting and discarded most of them immediately as I made my way to the Hokage tower, trailed by ANBU. I climbed the stairs to her office and tapped on her door.

"Enter."

I walked in and studied the Hokage. She didn't give off any sense of anger and I felt myself slightly relax. She didn't give much away, but instead gazed at me deep in thought as if trying to make some sort of judgment. I waited patiently under her gaze.

"I'm considering giving you a D-rank mission that has a chance of becoming an A or S-ranked mission if circumstances don't go in our favour. But before I consider the matter further I need to know that I can trust you to look after your old teammates. Are you willing to try and be the friend to them that they have been to you?" She gazed at me steadily, weighing my every reaction.

Was I ready? Two and a half years with Orochmaru hadn't just taught me new jutsu, it taught me the value of having people who honestly gave a damn. After years of sleeping with one eye open and being paranoid about everyone I met, coming back to Konoha and having a few people I could turn my back to, trust not to poison my food, and genuinely care, was a relief that I couldn't begin to describe. They mattered, and I needed them. I could admit that now. But was I prepared to meet them halfway?

"I'll try to the best of my ability." It was an honest answer, but I didn't know if that was the right answer she was looking for.

Tsunade slowly nodded. "Very well then, you can have it," she said. She leaned back in her chair. "It will be easier if I just bring them in." "Shizune you can bring them in now." The door swung open and in walked Shizune, slowly leading two small children by the hands.

I blinked, my eyes roving over the small children. They looked a lot like Sakura and Naruto. I glanced back at Tsunade, my gaze asking for an explanation.

"As far as we can determine, it appears Naruto broke into the forbidden archives to learn new jutsu and Sakura caught him in the act. This somehow led to them being exposed to an odorless, colourless gas of a forbidden potion. It appears the side effects of this gas reverted your old teammates physically and mentally into children. You'll be babysitting them for the foreseeable future until the potion wears off," she said.

I blinked and looked back at the kids. Sakura was wearing a navy skort and white shirt and had her thumb in her mouth while Naruto was wearing all orange, and shoes with the laces undone. Naruto then began to explore the darkest depths of his nose. "… Are you sure I'm… qualified for this?" I asked.

"It appears their memory above this age is sketchy at best. Sakura's parents are away on business and none of their year group is here at the moment due to missions. It seemed best to put them with someone familiar, and given you're free schedule, you seemed the best candidate."

I stood there trying to wrap my mind around the idea. I was failing miserably.

"Sakura, Naruto, this is Sasuke, he's going to be looking after you for a while, so try to behave for him," Tsunade said gesturing at me. Sakura gazed up at me and gave me a shy smile while Naruto frowned giving me an assessing once-over.

He turned to Tsunade. "Does this mean he has to take me to ramen?"

I internally groaned. I had hoped he wouldn't remember that fetish of his. All doubts that this was Naruto and Sakura were beginning to fly out the window. "Come on," I commanded. I headed out the door, feeling two tiny hands grasp my own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****Widget, the World Watcher.**

I made my way home on autopilot with several ANBU following us at a discreet distance. I had hoped to use the walk home to come to terms with the situation and figure out what to do, but upon coming to my apartment door I still had nothing. I brought the kids in, and gazed around the house, hoping for some kind of inspiration. I had a small two bedroom apartment which was sparsely furnished. It wasn't childproofed and had little to entertain the kids but the television. I switched the T.V. on to Widget, the World Watcher.

I turned around to find mini Sakura and mini Naruto gazing up at me expectantly. "You are going to watch T.V. now," I informed them. One by one I picked them up and placed them in front of the T.V. and slowly backed away. Realizing they weren't going anywhere anytime soon, I set off to work.

* * *

All in all I was rather proud of my creation. It may not have had finesse but it was practical and would get me by in the short-term. Lacking a playpen or those kiddy-proof gates to place in doorways, I had boxed my charges in with an overturned coffee table and other various pieces of furniture. The kids could no longer leave the living room by themselves, and I was now free to work on the rest of the house.

Grabbing clean linen from the closet I made up the bed in the guest room. It was a king-sized single so I figured that they could share. I then went around the house putting any valuables or things I didn't want broken safely away. I made the bookcase more bottom-heavy to prevent tipping, and I also remembered to place any medications, cleaning products, choking hazards or pointy objects well out of their reach. My whole house from the doorknobs down was starting to look pretty bare. Once this was all done I started writing a list of the things I would need: clothes food, power point covers, removable childproof gates, night-lights, booster seats, child cutlery, cupboard and draw latches…

_Hmm I should probably get them some toys too_. The closest thing I had to a toy was the Sasuke plushie that had been left on my porch by a die-hard fangirl, which had recently taken up residence in my trash can. I really didn't want to go there.

I jotted down a few more things on the list and came to the slow realization that this was going to be a lot to carry while minding two kids, not to say that I wasn't strong enough to carry a lot of stuff, it would just be awkward. I frowned in thought and decided to try and apply for a genin team to go shopping for me. Given how many D-ranked missions I'd taken lately, it would likely be accepted so the new genin would get a chance at the dubious pleasure. I would take the kids toy shopping myself though so that the kids could pick what they'd want. For a moment I pondered on how odd it was that the first mission I applied for as a client would be to buy kid stuff. My ponderings on the strange workings of the world didn't last long though as Naruto began to call for lunch. I decided to apply for the mission after dinner and went to fetch the sandwiches I'd made earlier.

* * *

"Once upon a time there was a bunny rabbit… a ninja bunny rabbit named Foo. Foo's burrow was in village called… Vegoha, the village hidden in the veggie patch. Now Foo had a dream. Foo wanted to grow up to be the fastest bunny rabbit of them all… to be quick enough to get past the dogs guarding the tomato beds…

78 min later (text omitted for brevity and to reduce repetition)

"Foo grabbed the secateurs and plunged them deep into Rochi's chest and dragged his hand down to his stomach, disemboweling him. Before Rochi's entrails had even hit the mulch and begun to cool, Foo was already slamming down the rusted shovel onto Klepto the Magpie's head. Seeing Foo distracted Dash the Hound grasped the leftover cord for the whippersnipper as best he could with his remaining fingers. He crept up behind Foo and began to choke him causing Foo's nose to turn an ugly shade of purple and his eyes to buldge as though they were about to pop out of his head and start rolling down the hill…"

For the first time in a long time I took a brief pause in my masterful rendition wanting to make sure I had the audience's full attention before I gave my epic conclusion involving a lot of animals' heads mounted on garden stakes as macabre lawn ornaments and fights that made it look like blood was coming from the sprinkler system. I glanced down to see two very round eyes and Naruto with cold, forgotten ramen half-lifted to his mouth. I started to blink as if coming out of a dream, momentarily distracted by Naruto not actively stuffing his face. Where was I?... Oh yes, macabre lawn ornaments… I glanced back down at my wide-eyed charges… I may have gorten slightly carried away.

"And then Foo killed all his enemies… and he and the rest of the bunnies lived happily ever ever after… and there was enough vegetables to… share with all the woodland creatures… but Foo got extra tomatos… The end."

Sakura and Naruto continued to just stare at me. I stared back. I waited for a response and then stared some more. Clearly my story telling skills had left them speechless. I grabbed Naruto's bowl to place it back in the fridge. "Now get ready for bed you two. When I come back I'm turning out the light."

When I returned they insisted on sleeping with the light on. I found it odd but let them be and headed back to my room to turn myself in after a quick shower. Climbing into bed, I reached out with my senses to see who was around before I eventually settled into sleep. No one was there except us and the ANBU. It took a long time before I felt Naruto and Sakura's chakra settle as sleep finally took them.


	3. Chapter 3

I rolled over and groaned, pulling my pillow tightly over my head. I hadn't been able to get much sleep last night, feeling the ANBU watching me. Tto make matters worse, Naruto was up and down the hallway for reasons only Kami knew why, inducing a headache.

BOOM! My bedroom door was flung open and I flinched about to reach for my kunai only to remember that it was just the kids and I wasn't really under attack. This evaluation was soon reassessed as I was winded by the human cannonball that had flung itself on top of me. My headache had just been upped to migraine.

"SASUKE! CAN WE GO FOR RAMEN?!" I winced as Naruto screeched in my ear. I took a deep breath, and reached deep, deep down for a semblance of patience I didn't know I was capable of.

"How about… How about we play a game? Go get Sakura," I asked.

"SAKURA, SASUKE WANTS YOU!" hollered Naruto in my ear. If I were a lesser man I may have whimpered. Naruto turned to look back at me expectantly and was about to try again, only to be distracted by the quick pitter patter of small feet coming down the hall as Sakura arrived.

"We're going to be playing a game," I began gravely, my face betraying the seriousness of the situation. "We're going to play the quiet game. The aim is to be as quiet as possible to practice stealth as a ninja." Sakura was looking thoughtful and slowly nodding but Naruto looked like he needed more convincing. "The first one to run or talk above a whisper loses, and whoever wins gets a prize." I paused for dramatic effect. "Whoever wins decides what we're having for dinner."

Naruto had a look on his face full of a seriousness and determination, that I hadn't seen since he'd been turned into a kid, if not since he tried to drag my ass home. While not as serious or determined as Naruto, Sakura was quietly confident and almost happy. She knew it would be easier for her to win and gave the distinct impression that she'd been tired of eating ramen. Given how much longer she'd spent with the Dobe than me over the years, I almost pitied her. I was counting on her to beat Naruto. While I had a higher tolerance of successive meals of ramen than most people, I'd prefer to eat at home tonight than be gawked at in public on the way to and from dinner. Shooing the kids away, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

* * *

"I'm ready Sasuke!"

I opened my eyes and surveyed the child in front of me. "I said you could get four toys Naruto. You have a toy kunai, a toy shuriken, a toy sword, two balls and a duplo set. That's six. Come back when you have four."

Naruto scowled and scampered off. I closed my eyes again, leaned back against the wall and monitored the chakra signatures in the store. Naruto's energetic signature was moving quickly moving back and forth between sections whereas Sakura's remained stationary and clam as though she was silently deliberating between choices. I hoped they would hurry. Even though parents actively herded their children away from me I didn't feel like being in the crowded toy store and was tiring of the way parents' faces would pale once they realised I was there and then tightly clutch their children.

Suddenly Naruto's chakra flared in excitement. After more running back and forth between shelves and the sound of toys being alternatively pushed along the floor he was back in front of me. I opened my eyes. "Now you have even more toys."

"No I don't. Instead of several ninja toys I have one set of ninja toys, one pair of balls, one duplo set and one bear." His eyes could have gleamed in the dark with how smug he looked.

"… Very well." I decided to let the fact that he had replaced the original duplo set with what I'm sure was the biggest one the store go. Considering how he was in the future I figured I shouldn't penalize him for using his head.

Sakura then trotted back with her selection. "I'm finished." She had a bucket and spade, a stuffed penguin and a fairy book in her arms.

"I'm surprised you didn't get the dollhouse with the way you were looking at it."

She looked surprised and shook her head. "That's expensive."

"It's alright. Go back and grab it along with a few extra stuffed animals and we'll wait here. Naruto ended up getting more things by calling it a set anyway."

She hesitated until she saw what Naruto had grabbed, her eyes landing on the duplo. She then scurried off and quickly returned with the doll house set and a stuffed rat and dragon.

I then paid for everything at the cash register. Fuck duplo was expensive. Luckily Tsunade had given me a big budget for this mission, probably because she wanted Naruto to have a better childhood this time around. Hopefully this would be enough to keep the kids occupied for a while.

* * *

"Ready, set, go!" I threw the toys. No, it wasn't enough that I was babysitting them, it wasn't enough that I'd just bought a bunch of toys for them this morning. They wanted me to play with them. Soon I figured out how to keep them happy with the least amount of effort on my part. It involved me lying down on the couch and throwing toys in various directions. The beauty of fetch was that they were the ones doing all the running; they were quite enthusiastic about it in fact. "Fetch!" I yelled as I threw the toys once again.

We had just had lunch and it wasn't long after that that the genin team came back with the assortment of items from my shopping list. That was about an hour ago and since then we'd been playing fetch. "I'm tired can we play something else now?" Sakura asked.

"How about the two of you watch TV?" I picked them and placed them in the makeshift playpen with the TV and turned it on. I headed out of the room. Now was a good time to put away the things the genin brought in and to finish kiddy-proofing the apartment.

* * *

I was scared. It was slowly starting to all make sense. All these years of wondering. All these years of suspicions and taunts, and I was finally beginning to understand where it had all gone wrong. It had clearly started when he was young, and worse it apparently had sometimes gone on for hours a day. If only someone had known, they could have gotten him the help that he had needed. Now it was happening all over again.

Naruto was a fan of The Bumble Waggles. Not just any fan, but a die-hard fan, the kind of fan that would sleep outside before a concert and be mistaken for a homeless person. I couldn't stand the jarring noise of the songs while channel surfing, let alone watching the cursed thing. Even if I had, the T.V. guide's description had been warning enough for me: "The Bumble Waggles is a unique program to encourage children to explore music and dance, and through incremental repetition, allows for mastery of skills without the boredom factor. Bumble Waggles also caters to your child's social needs by teaching them joining in, listening, caring and sharing and that violence is never, ever, ever the answer." Not even imaginary crack made this show bearable.

I watched as after my questioning, Naruto hurried back to the T.V, stuck his but out, and began swaying his hips to the music and waving his hands around in something that suspiciously resembled the strange and disturbing victory dance he used to spontaneously bust out after a so-called victory against me.

"Whether you're rich or poor

Tend to snitch or ignore

There is always one thing

To remember

When you are heart's

Dimming like an ember

And you and friends are apart.

One day you will be happy

Instead of feeling blue and crappy

And you greatest dreams will come true.

So when others seek to annoy

Think of what will bring you joy

And when they seek to rile

Remember what will make you smile.

Whether you are smart or dumb

Or are always on the run

There's one thing to keep in mind

When you're feeling left behind

Soon you'll be having fun

And be known as number one

It's only a matter of time

'Til they'll be saying please be mine.

So when you frown

And are the joke of the town

Know that one day

Somehow, someway

You'll be someone of renoun.

Then others will rue

That they never knew

The potential you had in you

So when you're mad or sad

Remember to be glad!"

I stood there in horrified fascination, inwardly cringing at the bad lyrics and wanting to leave, but too disturbed to turn away.

"If you see someone down, talk to them and try to cheer them up. Sharing our feelings is fun! BELIEVE IT!"

The actors in giant orange and black bumble bee suits finally stopped their choreographed song and dance routine. It was over. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. _WOW_… Over the years people had remarked on Naruto's unique personality and style again and again, when all along he'd been subconsciously imitating characters from a poorly put together children's program. His lame slogan, his "therapy no jutsu" and inability to put a tune together seemed to have all stemmed this D-rated daytime television show.

Deciding that the kids had been damaged enough for one day and that there must be some alternative to getting them to exercise I made a decision and switched off the television. Two little bodies swerved to look at me, one looking outraged and the other patiently questioning.

"Get up. Grab your bucket and spade Sakura. We're going to the park."

* * *

It was times like these I most questioned how much they remembered. We were at the park and Naruto in particular seemed too enthusiastic with their new found game, "Bury Sasuke in the sandpit."

"Stop breathing too much you're moving the dirt!" Naruto hollered.

"Well I'll try to work on that," I drawled. Usually sitting still and not moving isn't a real accomplishment for me but my foot was itchy and it felt like some small insect and its pose were biting me. "Haven't you buried me enough yet?"

Sakura wrinkled her nose. "If we don't bury you enough there's no point having an X to mark the spot, Sasuke."

"An X to mark the spot?" I questioned.

"For the pirates to find a hundred years from now," she replied looking at me as if this should have been completely obvious.

_Hmmm._ I began to reevaluate my opinion of which of the two was more enthusiastic. Sakura renewed her digging with gusto as if when she finished I would grow enough food to feed a family through the winter. She certainly seemed a lot more sympathetic to this kind of situation when we did our bell test. I suddenly wondered if they'd had another bell test and if so how it went. _What else did I miss? Probably a lot_. I sighed.

"Sasuke you're breathing too much again!" Sakura reproached.

"I want _ramen_!" Naruto wined.

I then remembered that Sakura had one this morning's game of who could shut up the longest. "Too bad. It's Sakura's turn to decide what we have for dinner," I said grabbing the opportunity to turn their short attention span to something other than burying me alive.

"Hmm.. I want some kind of dumplings," announced Sakura.

"Well let's start heading home so I have time to cook them," I replied, keeping any hopeful tone out of my voice.


End file.
